Self Care Day on the 6th

Self Care Day on the 6th: October 2012

October 6, 2012 By Gina Lynette 9 Comments

Oooohhhh! It’s here! Can you feel it?

Well, yes, it’s SCDOT6, but it’s also Autumn!! That means that it’s time to pull out the sweaters, and pile on the (homemade) blankets, and crunch leaves, and carve pumpkins.

It’s also the beginning of the writing of my thesis. Eek.

So, how in the world am I going to fit self care in with homeschooling, thesis writing, pumpkin carving, housekeeping, bill paying and — oh yeah — work? The same way I’ve made sure it makes it into every day of the year. I’m going to plan for it.

Okay. Okay. Before you start groaning, “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve been harping on this self care stuff for over a year!!” How do I actually do it?

I write it down.

I put it on my to do list.

It’s on my agenda every single day.

Like this:

See that little cloud that says, “Essential”?? That’s where it goes. The self care. And I fill it in first — before the work stuff and the household stuff and the “nice to do” stuff and the other people stuff.

My essential daily agenda includes:

Candles — I light them before I turn on my computer or make a phone call or chase down a kid.
Crochet — It’s my favorite form of meditation and I will knot some yarn every day.
Coffee — I’m addicted. It’s true. Many days Ned Andrew delivers coffee to me before I open my eyes. When he doesn’t — mainly because he often leaves the house about 4 hours before I wake up — one of the kids will bring some up when we start our homeschooling routine.
Food — Some of y’all may laugh, but I often forget to eat. I rarely have an appetite, but when I go without food I’m hateful. So, here’s my cue. I keep cereal bars within reach just in case I really do forget to eat.
Time Outdoors — I live on some of the most gorgeous land in one of the most lovely — weather and otherwise — parts of the world. It’s a sad day when I don’t manage to at least walk outside and take a look around.
Writing a Love Note to my Husband — He leaves me one every morning and I return the favor before he comes home that evening. It’s a sweet routine that keeps us focused on all of the connections we share that make this marriage not only work, but flourish.

You may have noticed that I’ve written “Get to Do on or about September 28, 2012” at the top of the page. That’s another key element in my self care. I give myself permission to get what I can get done and then to do some more later. If September 28th turns out to be a really good day to go apple picking, some of those other tasks might get done on September 29 or 30 or even sometime in October.

Another little essential element to my agenda is color. I pick pens that make me happy. I doodle on the page. I make creating my Get to Do list a fun little project. Sometimes I use the same page for a week. Sometimes it gets really cluttered with Accomplishments and I need a fresh sheet in the middle of the day. I allow myself to use it in a way that works for me.

This agenda page is a huge leap from what my calendar looked like 5 years ago. In October 2007, I’d just moved to Nashville and was working as a State Department Director. It sounds way more impressive than “Doodling Facilitator” but I — quite literally — was issued a calendar with 15 minute time increments and told not to write on it without checking with my boss first.

Not. Kidding.

So, to have the freedom and flexibility to write whatever I want on my calendar, to leave the times (and sometimes the days!) off of the tasks completely, and to design my entire day around candles, coffee, and crochet seems a little outrageous even to me.

::sigh::

I suppose I’ll eventually get used to it.

Filed Under: Blissification, Self Care Day on the 6th

A Year of Self Care Days on the 6th

September 6, 2012 By Gina Lynette Leave a Comment

So, a year ago when I got the wild hair to start a self care day out of a bit of outrage and indigence, I wasn’t sure what it would accomplish. I mean, seriously, it’s just a date on the calendar, right?

Well, yes. It is.

But it’s kind of become my monthly reminder that I can’t save the world — at least not while I’m buried under a pile of “must do” tasks. I’ve mentioned some changes that have occurred in my routine because of self-care day — crochet, candles, and a reorganized calendar among them — but I would love to know if anyone else has noticed a difference.

Do you incorporate self care into your routine in some way? Now if SCDOT6 in particular has been a positive influence in your life, I’d love, love, love to hear all about it. Honestly, even though you may have picked up the habit from some other source, I’m deeply curious about how the simple act of putting yourself on your own calendar has or hasn’t changed things for you.

Oh, and if you haven’t managed to get yourself on the calendar, may I suggest jotting down an item or two to get you started? Pick a day — any day, though I’m fond of the 6th — and set a time to do something just for you.

I double dog dare you!

You might just find yourself with your feet in a pedi-spa, drinking something frozen, and wondering why you didn’t do this before.

Filed Under: Blissification, Self Care Day on the 6th

May’s Self Care Day on the 6th

May 6, 2012 By Gina Lynette 2 Comments

Well, here we are again! It’s the 6th and time for another Self Care Day on the 6th (SCDOT6). With each passing month, I’m loving this routine more and more. While folks sometimes complain about being “stuck in a rut”, there’s something about routine and ritual that make something more likely to happen and that can actually deepen the experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating you avoid trying anything new! I’m simply suggesting that if you find things that work well to remind you to do your self-exams, make those doctors appointments, schedule your spa day, buy some yarn, take a nap, and otherwise nurture yourself, stick to them. New new new can be exhilarating, sure, but when we are talking self care, on some level, we are talking comfort.

Of course, if you don’t have a self care routine then the first time you try one out, it may not feel comfortable at all. You may feel guilty or unsure or silly or thrilled or hesitant. Pay attention to those feelings and spend a little time thinking about where they originated.

What are you feeling?

Are there any words that come with that feeling?

Are you hearing someone else’s voice telling you what you should be doing instead?

Whose voice is it?

How do you respond when you hear this message?

Can you change that response now that you are actually noticing the conversation you’re having?

What is your new response?

Now, how do you feel?

My self care routine includes reminders to light a candle, put on music, eat (yes, I have to remind myself to eat!), and to go outside. I actually write these things alongside the other items — homeschool lessons, contract items, bills to pay, grad school assignments, appointments, invoices to create — on my “Get To Do” list that I create by hand, on paper, each day. The reality is that lighting a candle is just as important to me as sending that invoice. Actually, it is probably more important. I can hire someone to create an invoice. I can’t outsource my own well being.

Like anything new, self care — and learning to feel great about self care — may take some practice. I’ve heard that it takes 10,000 hours to become a world-class master of a skill. So, if you work an hour of self care into your day, you should have this thing perfected by late in 2039. In the meantime, keep practicing those routines!

Filed Under: Blissification, Self Care Day on the 6th

April’s Self Care Day on the 6th

April 6, 2012 By Gina Lynette 2 Comments

As I sat here thinking about self care in preparation for this Self Care Day on the 6th (SCDOT6) post, I began to think about how pervasive the lack of it is. Sure, there are folks who are really good at it, but most of us just aren’t. We make attempts from time to time — you know, on those days you can almost justify being nice to yourself. Birthdays anyone? — but even feel a little guilty for that.

It’s so bad that I know folks who will make fun stuff sound like a chore just so that they don’t have to feel selfish for enjoying something.

“Oh, how I would love to help you feed the homeless tomorrow but I just must <sigh> take Mother to the movies. She’s been hounding me for weeks and I would rather die <sigh> than go, but well… <back of hand placed on forehead> you know Mother.”

No. What I know is that you love to go to the movies and would rather be there than anywhere, but you’ve somehow bought into the “if it ain’t painful, it ain’t valuable” value system that pervades our planet.

Well, enough is enough. Why spend so much energy justifying something we want to do with all of this drama? It’s like baking a cake and icing it with toothpaste. “See there. It isn’t a cake. It’s a decay preventive dentifrice!”

I call bull.

So, what is it that you are wanting to do — or actually doing — but aren’t allowing yourself to enjoy?

Me?

Crochet.

I love to crochet. I love yarn. I love making blankets and pillows and scarves and wraps. Love it.

For years I’ve made objects and given them away because, well, if you’re making something for someone else it has value. It’s on purpose! It’s necessary! It’s — wait for it — work! And, boy have I worked at crochet. My handmade dodads are all over the country, and maybe the world. I never charge for them (Gasp! Pay me for this little handcrafted nothing? What a crazy notion!) and I barely acknowledge the gratitude expressed by the recipient. You can’t steal my suffering by liking the product of it!

So, I did something massively radical. When I started my latest project, rather than identifying someone in desperate need of a crocheted item or justifying it as a birthday/Mother’s Day/Groundhog Day gift, I decided to make something for my own studio. Actually, I’m making multiple items. It’s a whole collection of crocheted goodness. I still get a little shaky just thinking about it, but it’s pretty amazing stuff. I’ve decided, at the very least, to make an afghan and two pillows. I may make a room-full of items before I’m finished. I’m using very intricate patterns with tedious stitches that take a lot of concentration. I’m using 9 colors of yarn. It’s taking lots of time and I’m obsessed with working on the pieces.

Crochet is absolutely part of my self care — carrying around my gorgeous basket of yarn, adding stitches when I get (or take or make) moments through the day — and it’s my intention to allow that to be enough. Previously I’ve justified the expense and time by pointing to the utility of the product. My goal is to enjoy the act of creation, the selection of colors, the feel of the yarn, the rhythm of the stitches as an end unto themselves.

So, what are you sighing and gnashing about that you actually, secretly enjoy? Could you enjoy it more if you allowed yourself to acknowledge how much you love doing it?

Filed Under: Blissification, Reflections, Self Care Day on the 6th

Is Love Available Even Here?

March 7, 2012 By Gina Lynette 1 Comment

I first heard Mark Silver ask this question and I believe it to be a wise approach to moment-by-moment living.

Sometimes we don’t even have to ask the question. The love is obvious. It’s in those moments that we are in our bliss and sink into the happiness that is connection.

At other times, we have to work a bit to find it. It may be disguised as fear or some other harder-to-like emotion. The challenge is to ask in those moments of fear or panic or irritation or anger, “Is love available even here?” The sweet reward is discovering that peace and ease and gentleness are available within even those less-than-idyllic moments.

But here’s the catch. In order to get into this space — this love-seeking-in-every-moment groove — you have to actually want to be loving. That old “kill ’em with kindness” trick of pretending to be loving while secretly plotting their demise ain’t gonna get you there. This adjustment of intention sometimes takes work, but the rewards are amazingly bountiful.

You see, though we think of love as something Out There that we have to go find or choose to share with someone else, fact is that it’s not limited to a two-person exchange made popular by greeting card companies. It’s what I harp about on Self Care Day on the 6th (SCDot6) and something that you’ve, no doubt, heard a bazillion times. In case you’ve missed this particular missive, I’ll spell it out here:

You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.

There. I said it. My harping on you to be good to yourself is really my selfish ploy to get you to love yourself so that, eventually, you have the space in your heart to love me. Well, me and anyone else you happen to encounter.

See that picture at the top of this here post? That was taken toward the end of a very long car trip. We thought we were 3 hours from home after making it all the way from the Berkshires to the Smokeys. That is, until the interstate was completely shut down and we were forced onto a little side road. It took us over four hours to go about 20 miles… meaning we still had three hours of travel left an hour after we’d hoped to be home.

We are pretty happy travelers for the most part, but this jam was enough to try even our well-honed patience. As the sun set, I started taking pictures to post on facebook to express our complete frustration at this endless sit-and-wait situation. I’d like to say that I remembered to ask, “Is love available even here?” and that suddenly the clouds parted and the traffic magically cleared and I was happily singing along to Billy Joel in no time. But, no. It wasn’t exactly like that.

I did, however, remember to look over at my sweetie and be grateful that I was in the car with someone I actually like. And then this caught my eye:

I was so taken with the pretty sky and sun and clouds and tree that, for a moment, I forgot how tired and irritated and desperate-to-be-home-already I was a moment before.The 20-mile line of traffic stopped being my focal point and there it was.

Love.

Here.

I could catalog a million moments when love was right there in spite of the surrounding scenery. Sometimes the only love to be readily found in a particularly hairy event is the scenery. The reality, though, is that love is available even here.

P.S. I got an email asking whether this “seeking love in each moment” practice means we have to love our abusers. I’m not sure I completely understand how we got from asking whether there is love available to us all the way to wondering if I’m advocating that we have to love someone who is hurting us, but I’ll play.

On one level, loving everything in its right space is a good thing. I can love even a really, really mean someone in a, “Gee, I can empathize that they are having a rough time” kind of way. But that doesn’t mean I have to spend my energy allowing them to beat me up. Some folks would call this version of love “agape” from the Greek.

On another level, if I’m asking the question, “Is love available even here?” I am probably looking for a way to feel authentic and connected and, possibly, in relationship with myself, my source, or another being. That’s where the scenery might have to come into play.

The night my life was at the greatest risk the only words that would come to my head were, “Tell me everything will be okay.” I don’t know who was supposed to tell me this, but wanting to know it was what kept me centered and focused until the incident passed. “I’ve got to know I’m going to survive this.” may not sound like, “Is love available even here?” but they are closely related.

After the attacker left the room and I caught my breath, seeking something to calm my shaking hands, I grabbed the magazine on the table next to me and opened it to a random page. In bold letters in the middle of the page was the quote from Julian of Norwich that has since become my constant companion.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

— Julian of Norwich

A day or two later, I was at a conference and someone I sort of knew but wasn’t particularly close to said, “I thought you’d like this,” and handed me a printout of a short version of Julian of Norwich’s biography. And then I walked in to a gift shop later that weekend and saw a candle holder with the quote on it. I, not shockingly, bought it on the spot.

So, my question was answered — three times — and I took that loving assurance to mean that things would work out fine. And they did. And they continue to do so.

So, was the love in that moment from my abuser? Not really.

But was love available even there? I sure do believe it was.

And is.

Filed Under: Blissification, Pointing Forward, Reflections, Self Care Day on the 6th

March’s Self Care Day on the 6th

March 6, 2012 By Gina Lynette 3 Comments

Sometimes the days are so full that you don’t think you have time to do any self care.

Well, my friend, those are the days when some self care should be a mandatory practice. Doctor’s orders mandatory. God says so mandatory. Soul sustaining mandatory.

If I could go into the religious tenets of the world and make one little tweak, it would be to balance the message of suffering and sacrifice with the reality of our need for sustenance and nurturing.

Joyce Rupp wrote something in a book that I read as a new mom that I’ve carried and quoted for years and years.

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

— Joyce Rupp, The Cup of our Comfort

We all have different soul-sustenance needs. If you can’t pause to hear your own breath, and refill that cup of yours, how on earth will you ever be able to do all of those things you’ve packed into those full days.

You can’t.

You may pretend you can. You may even fake your way through it for a long time. But at some point, you will hit that massive wall and your soul will say, “Enough!” It might look like an illness or getting fired from your job or a car crash or some other “inconvenience” that stops you in your tracks.

So, here’s your permission slip to take a moment, take that breath, and listen to what your soul and body need in order to continue offering the world your excellent, loving, giving self.

Filed Under: Blissification, Reflections, Self Care Day on the 6th

February’s Self Care Day on the 6th

February 6, 2012 By Gina Lynette Leave a Comment

As we celebrate the 6th month of our Self Care Day, I have to admit that I truly look forward to these planned, set aside, on purpose reminders to remember to tend to my own health and happiness. My tendency to pressure myself to execute every idea perfectly is still lurking in my head, but I’m even getting better at saying, “Shhhh. It’s self care! That means it’s okay to do what I think nurtures me even if it doesn’t seem monumental!”

Even so, I’m still one to track progress. I’ve noticed several shifts over this past 6 months.

I’m crafting more. While I’ve always gone through phases of making stuff, I’ve really been on a tear since October. I designed and created all of our holiday gifts. I completely remade Great Grandma Emma May‘s afghan. I’ve even taken it a step further and allowed myself to purchase “nicer” materials and yarns. Ned Andrew encourages this and even purchased me a new fair trade African Market Basket for my crochet. This is a great development.

I’ve given up electronic games. When they first came out, the online games offered through Facebook were pretty simple. They required 5 minutes a day to send someone a karma token or a flower or a button with something funny on it. Then the Flash stuff showed up. I started out playing a game that allowed me to chat with my sisters while we performed click-based farming tasks. Then I got pulled into the Send-Me-A-Goat-Athon that just sucks time out of your day. I knew better than to have more than one of these going at any one time, but even that got to be too much. The behavioral psychologists who drive the programming of these games are borderline evil for the tricks they play on folks to keep them logged in. I know better, so I’ve walked away. Whew! It feels great!

I’ve switched doctors. It sounds simple enough, but this is a big deal for me. I’ll spend 1400 hours researching and interviewing a docs to find the right one for my kids. Not so much for myself. After 25 years of chronic healthcare fun, I’ve gotten kind of tired of telling my story and being poked. So, I’d rather hang on to the not-so-great doc that I kind of accidentally ended up with — the one I’d rather go to a walk-in clinic for pneumonia than call for help — than find an Internist and Rheumatologist who are partners in my self care. When I sat down and really thought about that reality, I started asking around and found a terrific Internist. I’m still shopping for a Rheumy that fits.

I’m happy that we’re homeschooling. This is obviously different from the previous reality: I was resigned to the fact that we needed to be homeschooling. There are still days when I’d love to hop in the car and meet a colleague for coffee without having to arrange logistics that rival a corporate takeover. But, I’m truly feeling delight way more than overwhelm these days.

I’m writing on paper. I know! What an indulgence! Honestly, the computer and all of my little tech-y devices have so infiltrated every waking hour that picking up a pen and a paper journal feels almost subversive. I’m also keeping lists on paper again — in spite of the 14 apps on my phone and tablet and computer that promise to keep me synced. I’ve had an electronic planner since Palm invaded our lives in the mid-90s and have never really solidly made the switch. Now I’m no longer apologizing for it.

So, how is it going? Are you giving yourself permission to pay attention to your own needs? Are you performing self exams? Are you pausing to do something creative? Are you napping?

I’d love to know!

Filed Under: Blissification, Reflections, Self Care Day on the 6th

How I Spent November’s Self Care Day on the 6th

November 6, 2011 By Gina Lynette Leave a Comment

When I first started the Self Care on the 6th thing, it was really the result of a rant. So I didn’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about the variations on how the day might go. I just launched. I’m actually proud of myself for this fact. I don’t tend to be a leaper as much as I’m a precontemplater. So, launching… that was amazing.

And here we are three months in. Self Care Day on the 6th landed on a Sunday this month. It also happens to be the day most of the United States flops our calendars back to “standard time” and gain an extra hour in our day. It’s always a tough adjustment for me. My circadian rhythms are evidently etched in titanium because it takes some serious sleep deprivation before I get on a new schedule.

So, today I rested during that extra hour. I slept until I woke up (no alarms) and managed to sleep about an hour later than I usually do. It was wonderful. I only felt a tiny bit guilty as I reminded myself that sleeping in was a act of self care.

My second act of self care today was allowing my string of blog silence continue in spite of the fact that I had a self-imposed deadline. I wanted to encourage y’all, but I took my own advice and didn’t try to pour from an empty cup. I am working on refilling it as I recover from a pretty harsh relapse, and just don’t have the eloquence or the energy to write. So, I didn’t. I’m here to report that it feels really good to follow my soul urgings in that way.

What I really wanted to do today was be present with my family. With that in mind, I used my extra hour to teach Lizzy to crochet. It’s a meticulous process, but she has the determination to learn. I love this woman. And, yes, she’s a woman now. She turned 18 this week. She’s been asking to learn to crochet for a while, so I got her a great handmade bag, a big hook, and a skein of yarn as part of her birthday celebration. There’s something precious about passing down this very rewarding art to my daughter.

I have another family-focused urging tickling the back of my head. I have been in precontemplation mode about homeschooling our youngest daughter for a couple of months. The question is, can I follow my intuition on this big a decision or am I still harboring fears about re-making that leap?

So, I’m going to use the extra hour one more time. We’re going to sit down as a family and talk about the future and how we’d like to go about living in the now while keeping an eye on then. What does education look like for our family? What does work look like? How do we schedule our days? Our months? Our years?

Living on purpose requires a bit of courage, suspension of disbelief, and pausing to take stock. It also takes time. Good thing we got that extra hour today.

Filed Under: Blissification, Happy and Included, Homework, Pointing Forward, Self Care Day on the 6th

Celebrating the Second Self Care Day on the 6th

October 6, 2011 By Gina Lynette 2 Comments

Okay, friends and neighbors, it’s that time again!

What time, Gina??

It’s time for Self Care Day!!

What’s Self Care Day?

I’m glad you asked… it’s an officially official day each month when we’ll remind one another to take good care of ourselves. You know, perform your self-check (skin & moles, breasts, etc), make your dentist appointment you’ve been putting off, get a massage, take a nap, start a class, clean the slate, laugh, polish your nails, or whatever it is you do that nurtures you.

As a coach and friend, I’m often “giving permission” to people to take care of themselves. And yes, there is a roving band of narcissists out there who are all about taking care of themselves, but most folks are pretty giving.

Quite frankly, many folks are way over-giving.

(You know who you are. Stop apologizing for going to the bathroom, and keep reading.)

This super-giving segment of folks were taught that anything they do for themselves is immoral and selfish. They’ll drop everything to race across town at the slightest indication that someone neeeeeeds them, but they won’t walk across the room to meet their own needs.

(It’s okay… go to the bathroom. I’ll wait.)

(You’re back? Excellent… Did you grab yourself a cup of coffee/glass of milk/carafe of wine/jug of water on your way back? No? Well, I’ll hold your place.)

Well enough of that! Seriously, you aren’t helping anyone if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Who is going to save the world if you land yourself in the hospital from a nasty case of dehydration exacerbated by a bladder explosion?

(Okay, she will, but you’ll feel guilty you left it all on her. Will you poke her and give her “the look”. I don’t think she’s stopped helping in a week. Does she even sleep?)

As Joyce Rupp would say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” So, it’s high time you started refilling yours. And now there’s an official day to do it — the 6th of each month. Why the 6th? Because the idea came to be when we were talking about the facebook games about breast cancer, and I do my monthly self exams on the 6th (it’s Berns’ birthdate).

Last month — September for those of you who can’t pause to look up and see what day it is — when we officially launched the officially official Self Care Day on the 6th campaign, folks started sharing how they intended to use this day. One of the chicas who goaded me into this whole idea even took the whole day off. I know! Amazing.

(Will someone check on her? I think she’s fainted.)

So, what are you doing to take care of yourself today?

Me? I’m going to start dreaming about November 6 and mark it in my calendar as a Day Off, do my self exam, take a long bath with a magazine, and ask around for recommendations for healthcare providers. I’ve lived in Nashville for 4 years and still haven’t hired a local dentist, gynecologist, or rheumatologist. I know! There’s no excuse for it.

Pretty please take really good care of yourself. It is not selfish to keep yourself alive, healthy, and happy.

It’s your job.

(Yes… yours!)

Filed Under: Self Care Day on the 6th Tagged With: doctors, facebook, Joyce Rupp, self care, self check, self exam

Gillian’s Orchid

September 6, 2011 By Gina Lynette 2 Comments

My ten-year-old daughter earned the nickname “Diva Princess” when she was less than a year old. We often say that either one of them alone was not enough of a title to capture this kiddo’s amazing personality.

Well, the Diva Princess has had her eye on an orchid for months and months. We kind of waited to see if this interest would last. I mean, seriously, what 10 year old wants a plant?

Gillian, The Diva Princess wants a plant.

So, in honor of Self Care Day, I splurged and let her pick one out.

She took about 30 minutes to make her choice and eventually landed on this glorious white phalaenopsis. She’s got great taste, no?

(No one tell her that I’m going to enjoy it just as much as she does.)

Filed Under: Blissification, Self Care Day on the 6th Tagged With: Orchid, self care, The Diva Princess