Oooohhhh! It’s here! Can you feel it?

Well, yes, it’s SCDOT6, but it’s also Autumn!! That means that it’s time to pull out the sweaters, and pile on the (homemade) blankets, and crunch leaves, and carve pumpkins.

It’s also the beginning of the writing of my thesis. Eek.

So, how in the world am I going to fit self care in with homeschooling, thesis writing, pumpkin carving, housekeeping, bill paying and — oh yeah — work? The same way I’ve made sure it makes it into every day of the year. I’m going to plan for it.

Okay. Okay. Before you start groaning, “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve been harping on this self care stuff for over a year!!” How do I actually do it?

I write it down.

I put it on my to do list.

It’s on my agenda every single day.

Like this:

 See that little cloud that says, “Essential”?? That’s where it goes. The self care. And I fill it in first — before the work stuff and the household stuff and the “nice to do” stuff and the other people stuff.

My essential daily agenda includes:

• Candles — I light them before I turn on my computer or make a phone call or chase down a kid.
• Crochet — It’s my favorite form of meditation and I will knot some yarn every day.
• Coffee — I’m addicted. It’s true. Many days Ned Andrew delivers coffee to me before I open my eyes. When he doesn’t — mainly because he often leaves the house about 4 hours before I wake up — one of the kids will bring some up when we start our homeschooling routine.
• Food — Some of y’all may laugh, but I often forget to eat. I rarely have an appetite, but when I go without food I’m hateful. So, here’s my cue. I keep cereal bars within reach just in case I really do forget to eat.
• Time Outdoors — I live on some of the most gorgeous land in one of the most lovely — weather and otherwise — parts of the world. It’s a sad day when I don’t manage to at least walk outside and take a look around.
• Writing a Love Note to my Husband — He leaves me one every morning and I return the favor before he comes home that evening. It’s a sweet routine that keeps us focused on all of the connections we share that make this marriage not only work, but flourish.

You may have noticed that I’ve written “Get to Do on or about September 28, 2012” at the top of the page. That’s another key element in my self care. I give myself permission to get what I can get done and then to do some more later. If September 28th turns out to be a really good day to go apple picking, some of those other tasks might get done on September 29 or 30 or even sometime in October.

Another little essential element to my agenda is color. I pick pens that make me happy. I doodle on the page. I make creating my Get to Do list a fun little project. Sometimes I use the same page for a week. Sometimes it gets really cluttered with Accomplishments and I need a fresh sheet in the middle of the day. I allow myself to use it in a way that works for me.

This agenda page is a huge leap from what my calendar looked like 5 years ago. In October 2007, I’d just moved to Nashville and was working as a State Department Director. It sounds way more impressive than “Doodling Facilitator” but I — quite literally — was issued a calendar with 15 minute time increments and told not to write on it without checking with my boss first.

Not. Kidding.

So, to have the freedom and flexibility to write whatever I want on my calendar, to leave the times (and sometimes the days!) off of the tasks completely, and to design my entire day around candles, coffee, and crochet seems a little outrageous even to me.

::sigh::

I suppose I’ll eventually get used to it.

So, a year ago when I got the wild hair to start a self care day out of a bit of outrage and indigence, I wasn’t sure what it would accomplish. I mean, seriously, it’s just a date on the calendar, right?

Well, yes. It is.

But it’s kind of become my monthly reminder that I can’t save the world — at least not while I’m buried under a pile of “must do” tasks. I’ve mentioned some changes that have occurred in my routine because of self-care day — crochet, candles, and a reorganized calendar among them — but I would love to know if anyone else has noticed a difference.

Do you incorporate self care into your routine in some way? Now if SCDOT6 in particular has been a positive influence in your life, I’d love, love, love to hear all about it. Honestly, even though you may have picked up the habit from some other source, I’m deeply curious about how the simple act of putting yourself on your own calendar has or hasn’t changed things for you.

Oh, and if you haven’t managed to get yourself on the calendar, may I suggest jotting down an item or two to get you started? Pick a day — any day, though I’m fond of the 6th — and set a time to do something just for you.

I double dog dare you!

You might just find yourself with your feet in a pedi-spa, drinking something frozen, and wondering why you didn’t do this before.

Well, here we are again! It’s the 6th and time for another Self Care Day on the 6th (SCDOT6). With each passing month, I’m loving this routine more and more. While folks sometimes complain about being “stuck in a rut”, there’s something about routine and ritual  that make something more likely to happen and that can actually deepen the experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating you avoid trying anything new! I’m simply suggesting that if you find things that work well to remind you to do your self-exams, make those doctors appointments, schedule your spa day, buy some yarn, take a nap, and otherwise nurture yourself, stick to them. New new new can be exhilarating, sure, but when we are talking self care, on some level, we are talking comfort.

Of course, if you don’t have a self care routine then the first time you try one out, it may not feel comfortable at all. You may feel guilty or unsure or silly or thrilled or hesitant. Pay attention to those feelings and spend a little time thinking about where they originated.

What are you feeling?

Are there any words that come with that feeling?

Are you hearing someone else’s voice telling you what you should be doing instead?

Whose voice is it?

How do you respond when you hear this message?

Can you change that response  now that you are actually noticing the conversation you’re having?

What is your new response?

Now, how do you feel?

My self care routine includes reminders to light a candle, put on music, eat (yes, I have to remind myself to eat!), and to go outside. I actually write these things alongside the other items — homeschool lessons, contract items, bills to pay, grad school assignments, appointments, invoices to create — on my “Get To Do” list that I create by hand, on paper, each day. The reality is that lighting a candle is just as important to me as sending that invoice. Actually, it is probably more important. I can hire someone to create an invoice. I can’t outsource my own well being.

Like anything new, self care — and learning to feel great about self care — may take some practice. I’ve heard that it takes 10,000 hours to become a world-class master of a skill. So, if you work an hour of self care into your day, you should have this thing perfected by late in 2039. In the meantime, keep practicing those routines!