Well, if it shows up in O…

Oprah Magazine 2007You know you’ve made it when you show up in O. You know, that little magazine put out by that lady who seems to have endless ability to influence the world around her?

Well, before you get all excited and send me a comment saying, “But, Gina, I didn’t see you in O!!” Lemme point out that, no, I am not exactly in O. Weight loss blogging is in O. And, since I have a weight loss blog (shush, it is, too!! or was… whatever!) I am, by association in O. So there.

Anyway, now that we are all agreed that I am famous and “in” let’s move on to the point. Yes, I have a point.

Reistad-Long (the author of the article in O) comes to the conclusion that blogging helps us lose weight (well, duh!) but her explanation as to why totally fit into my whole, “Dream it, Plan it, Say it, Do it” philosophy.” She says, “Anyone who has achieved a significant behavior change knows that success is an ongoing process of staying aware and making the right choices.”

Change is an act of intention. You want to make the change. You believe the change is possible. You tell others that you are going to make that change. And wha la! You change*! It is a deliberate act of will.

I am living proof. Go back and read my entries. I double dog dare you to. Three major life changes started here… I shaped my overweight form into my (as of this morning) 143 lb comfort zone, I eliminated my wasband from my immediate surroundings, and I discovered my “balance is everything” mantra. And you know what? When I declared that I would lose weight to the whole world and I wrote about it and kept that promise to myself–deliberately–I did it. And when I came to the conclusion that a divorce was the change I needed, same thing. And when I read myself saying, “balance” every other sentence, I recognized that it was a key to my bliss.

Recognizing, as I do, the power of declaration, I want to set other goals and share them here. I know the power of this forum.

But… you knew there was a but…

I have hesitated to transform this blog into a rest-of-my-life blog for several reasons. The main one is that I am somewhat concerned that my still-unstable wasband will find fuel for his indignation here. I don’t want to hurt him. He has lots of work to do to find his balance. I tried to help him, but it was beyond my ability (and beyond my responsibility!!) I still hope he will land in his bliss (though so far he has landed just about everywhere else), but I have to make sure I don’t give him the power to derail mine.

So, I am trying to figure out how to share what is going on and what I am going to work on and still feel “safe.”

Okay. I have said for years that living in fear is not living. My first act of deliberate intent is to declare that my blog is a safe place. I expect the people who visit here to be supportive and caring–just as they always have been. If you are the boogey man, move along. I am sure there is a blog out there for you. This one is for folks who believe, like Richard Feynman, “The key to success is to make people dream.”

Here’s to living that dream!

*For those of you who are screeching, “Buuuuut Gina, it isn’t that eeeeeeasy!!!” I will say again, it is a deliberate act of will. If you have mixed feelings, your results will be mixed. If you are only doing it because your mom, boyfriend, therapist, horoscope, or Oprah says you should, it ain’t gonna go very well. You know this. I know this. The universe knows this. Now put down the sleeve of Oreos and get focused on what you want. (And if what you want is the sleeve of Oreos, you will pick them right back up. No judgment… I’ve done it, too. They are soooo good. especially with really cold milk…)

Rockin’ my world 2.0…

Okay. I lied.

This is the coolest site ever.

Click on “Custom Radio” and put in your favorite artist or song and it will create a radio station just for you.

You can customize it.

You can create stations for your every mood.

You can ban crappy songs from ever playing in your kingdom.

You can plug your laptop into your surround sound system and wonder how you got so lucky as to live in this incredible time.

Life is about to change for you.

Go!!

I’ll wait here. It’s okay. They’re playin’ my song…

Rockin’ my world…

or at least my laptop is this very, very cool interactive and free (for the lo-fi version) online streaming music player.

Go! Right now! Check it out.

Then come back and tell me how amazing it is.

You’re gonna thank me.

Decisions, decisions…

Yes, I am down to 142.5 pounds, but not in a good way. I have lost weight this week because I have stressed myself into a relapse and can’t manage to eat anything.

I am the canary in the mine. I see the big picture. I see the problems and cracks and I am probably a little hyper-vigilant. But when I see it coming, I want to warn folks.

“Get out of the way!”

“We gotta change this!”

“This could be so much easier/sweeter/kinder/effective!”

But sometimes–most of the time–they just don’t want to hear it. And I can usually let it go.

Unless it directly affects my life in some dramatic way.

Like People First Language.

Well grad school is affecting my life in a dramatic way. The issues with my team got worse–much worse–over the course of the past several weeks and I went to the administration for help. It seems that was the wrong course of action. They don’t want to hear it. And I can’t let it go.

Without detailing you to death, let’s just say that I am seriously considering leaving the program. This sucks for about 64 reasons, not the least of which is that I want this degree, I love the coursework, and I don’t know what I am going to do if I drop out.

But I can’t live with this kind of stress for another year. It isn’t fair to my children. It isn’t healthy for me. Life is way too short to go weeks without sleep or eating because folks won’t do their part.

Damn it.

15 minutes of effort…

I am back at my seemingly perpetual task of de-cluttering my world. We are super-blessed around here with generous gift givers and the holidays left us with about thirty million new things to store. Of course, those items all came wrapped in something and were under a tall green something covered in all sorts of sparkly somethings. Now that it is officially “after the holidays” all of those somethings were making me bat wacky and had to get out of here.

But I just couldn’t do it.

I am tired. Yes, I will admit it. There are days when I just don’t wanna be the grown up! But no one else is volunteering, so up and at ’em!

I don’t know where I originally got the idea to do 15 minutes of clutter attack. Perhaps at flylady.net (she can have credit if she likes) or in some book or out of sheer genius. Anyway, it isn’t my favorite way to spend a day, but sometimes it is the only way to get moving. How does it work?

Weeeeelllllllll

When we do it, we pick 3 tasks that seem overwhelming (today: taking down decorations, putting away new stuff, and cleaning the kitchen won) and rotate those with a fourth something that we actually enjoy (a day-long game of Monopoly* won). We set the timer for 15 minutes and jump on task one. When the timer screams, we switch to the next task for the next 15 minutes. This continues ’round and ’round until we finish. Sometimes it takes an hour, others it takes 4.

Anyway, we did manage to get all three tasks done. My daughter kicked our butts at Monopoly. (Seems at a couple of weeks shy of 6 that she relies on the strategy of “buy it all and watch them die a slow death paying me rent.”) I feel much better because I don’t have visions of Christmas in April dancing in my head.

*My son got the new Monopoly Here & Now game as one of his gifts. We are fairly Monopoly obsessed around here and have several versions (including electronic ones) but this one is the strangest one evah! Things we like: cool tokens (cell phone, hybrid car, airplane, etc) and properties from all over the country. Things we hate: the money and the money!! It is 10,000 times as complicated to use because the whole shebang has been inflated by–you guessed it–a factor of 10,000. Worse than that? Three denominations are some variant of yellow–including the $100,000 and $1,000,000 bills–and are very easily mixed up. We did have a very interesting lesson on place value, though. My recommendation? Stick with your classic version and order “replacement” tokens from H@sbro. (If you feel that is somehow unethical, then go buy the game and get all giddy when you discover your own tiny St@rbuck’s mug token!)

Old Year’s Resolution…

LometaThe new weight (143.5 lbs) is accurate! Whoo hooo!

Yeah. That would be some 5.5 pounds under goal weight (which I have officially maintained for 13 months)… but if you have read up on ye olde archives, you will find my constant ponderizing on the ultimate goal weight–and the likelihood of its being under 140.

Some of you might point out that it took me 5 months to lose 39 pounds and over a year to lose the next 5… and you would be right.

Some of you might point out that I have hardly paid attention to the whole fitness/weight thing over the course of 2006… and you would be right.

Some of you might point out that this news is hardly news since I didn’t step on a scale for months and when I did some 3 pounds had magically disappeared… and you would be right.

But that would mean that there are at least 3 people reading this blog… and since there are crickets in the comments box, I gotta assume that ain’t the case.

So, as I am, evidently, writing for future blog readers who will, undoubtedly, be clamoring to know just how I did this losing-of-three-pounds-without-trying magic, here goes…

I kept eating radically reasonable amounts of food and exercised when I could squeeze it in between grad school and home school and trips to see my out-of-town boy (read: a total of about 10 times in the past month).

Oh, and I didn’t do the holiday eating thing. So what if there are piles of chocolate covered somethings everywhere?? I am not hungry so I am not eating it! I did have a cookie or two and an still working on a quart of egg nog*, but I honestly haven’t been tempted to overeat.

Sound too good to be true? A couple of years ago, I would have been stormin‘ the comments with all sorts of whatevers… but it–eat less, move more–works… The catch?? You have to figure out why you are eating more and moving less before it will actually click and stick. My eating was motivated by a stress and depression. Funny, once I spent the 5 years and $15k on therapy, losing some 50 pounds was easy.

Here’s to all the folks who will be starting a new diet for the new year. I am oh, so rooting for you! I remember how impossible losing the weight seemed when I got going, and how amazing it felt to get to goal…

I wish I could blog that feeling.

*Oh my! My sis is a coffee goddess, and taught me the merits of using egg nog in lieu of milk/cream. It is equally outrageous in iced coffee and hot coffee. I am so going to mourn the end of egg nog this year.

Oh, son, I am so, so sorry…

Berns Goes to WashingtonFrom the press release announcing the passage of the “Combating Autism Act”:

“This bill is a federal declaration of war on the epidemic of autism,” said Jon Shestack, co-founder of Cure Autism Now. “It creates a congressionally mandated road map for a federal assault on autism, including requirements for strategic planning, budget transparency, Congressional oversight, and a substantial role for parents of children with autism in the federal decision-making process.”

“By passing this landmark single-disease legislation, the House has recognized the daily plight of the thousands of families struggling every day with autism, and has once and for all acknowledged autism as a national healthcare crisis,” said Bob Wright, co-founder of Autism Speaks and chairman and CEO of NBC Universal.

AAAAACKKKKKKK!!!!!

The name of the act alone sent me into a rage but this???

“war on the epidemic of autism”????

“assault on autism”????

“daily plight”????

“families struggling”????

“once and for all acknowledged autism as a national healthcare crisis”????

All of this packed into TWO sentences!!! Oh. My. GOD!!!

And this stuff was said by family members of children with autism… not professionals or lobbyists.

These people are declaring war on my son!!! And their own children… they just don’t get it, do they??

Sigh.

I just want to go on the record saying that while I am all for finding accommodations that help folks participate in the world, offering medical treatment to those who need it, finding new ways to teach folks, and the like–I am *not* cool with using the same language we apply to terrorists and drug lords for legislation regarding our children!

Since when do we wage war on children?

It is not okay to forget that my children are just that–children.

The language we use is important! How often do children with diagnoses hear that there is “something wrong with them”?? How many times can they hear that without believing it?

Unfortunately, other people believe it, too. So, for the record, there is nothing “wrong” with my children. They are not the cause of some “daily plight” in my life. We get along just fine, thankyouverymuch.

I know that there are plenty of folks ready to heap ashes on my head for thinking this way. They will point to their children and say, “Look at my child! He bangs his head! He drools! He spreads poop on the walls! He has behaviors! You just don’t understand!!”

I do understand. I have seen it all. I have lived it all. And still I refuse to blame my children and lay the burden of my lack of happiness at their feet. I will not “wage war” on them. I will love them and care for them and fight for them and educate them and tell them over and over that they are awesome.

And I will declare war on anyone who suggests I do otherwise.

She’s So Cool…

Yeah, I know. I am mystifyingly cool.

No kidding.

I can do grad school, homeschool, raise two kids, balance a checkbook, date real men, drive a car, stay at goal weight, and elliptical train for an entire hour without passing out.

Then, I start my heady yeah-I-just-ran-to-nowhere-for-an-entire-hour-without-passing-out walk back to the locker room only to get my headphone cord tangled up with my towel and my sweatshirt and manage to bang my Zen into my nose and draw blood.

And then one of those real men has to tell me that I have blood running down my face, ’cause I am too cool to notice it all on my own.

Now, you know just how impressive I really am.

Oh, and the run-just-prior-to-my-public-humiliation is in the books (126/200) along with another one (run not humiliation) this weekend (127/200) plus an amazing, leaf-crunching (I love fall!!), 5-mile hike (128/200).

I. Am. So. Cool. Don’t you wish you could be like me?

Stop laughing. It isn’t funny.

Yet.

Welcome Back Old Friend…

It is no secret that I haven’t been the best about going to the gym since I hit goal weight/got the divorce. Frankly, I have probably worked out an average of once a month over the past year–give or take. I have stayed pretty active–who wouldn’t with two kids–but there’s nothing like a good hour-long run to nowhere to get the juices flowin‘.

I just couldn’t put my brain around taking my kids to the gym. That is, until the guy I am seeing* asked me “How are you feeling?” and I said, “Okay.” and he said, “Just okay? Maybe you outta get back to the gym.” Yeah–he said it just like that–out of the blue and with no warning that his question was loaded. And I thought, “Yikes! He’s right. And I really can’t claim any good reason for not going.”

My kids were with their dad Monday night–which eliminated all excuses for not going. So, bright and early yesterday mornin‘ I dug out the sports bra, laced up the shoes and headed out.

I fully expected to fall on my face after about 15 minutes. A year is a long time to barely work out and expect to have any stamina. You may recall that my first workout of the MegaChallenge was a 700 stride 7 minute affair. Imagine my surprise when I pulled out an hour-long 9500 stride (that’s nearly 6 miles!) run on my elliptical buddy (124/200).

Yeah!

And it felt amazingly fantastic!!!

So, having broken the mental barrier, I got up a second batch of gumption and packed the kids up for their first return trip to the gym in over 2 years. Images of screaming childcare workers chased me the entire way there, but I shook them off and kept driving.

I signed them in–fully expecting the staff to say, “Oh no! We remember your kids! They poop their pants to get out of here. We’ll be calling for you in moments. Don’t bother, lady!” When no one said anything, I took off for the elliptical machine telling myself, “If you can just get a sweat–it doesn’t have to be a full workout–you can walk out of here happy.”

Great news! I got an entire hour-long run in! 10,000 strides of sweaty bliss (125/200). I got to listen to my favorite sweat-inducing songs on the Zen I bought when I hit goal weight. Yeah, I finally got a 40 gig (I think it is gig–for all I know it is nano or terrabytes) MP3 player and have used it about a dozen times–after 2 years of only 30 songs to choose from you would think the musical options alone would have gotten me to the gym more.

My girlfriend who was MegaChallenging with me is also back on the wagon. Cool, no?? So, the MegaChallenge is back on! I know! I know! It was supposed to be 200 workouts in a year–but no one said that I couldn’t take a year-long hiatus in the middle of it.

Shut up!

It is my blog and my challenge and I make the rules.

It’s good to be the queen!

*Don’t ask. That’s all you are getting for now.

Grad School is Hard…

But not for the reasons you might think.

When you think school, what do you think about? I’d bet tuition and books are pretty high on that list.

Well, not to the folks in my “Learning Team.” Oh no! Books are optional! Yeah!

I am struggling for the words to express my complete dismay at the lack of responsibility, preparation, and readiness for school exhibited by the folks I am supposed to study with for the next 18 months.

Okay, to catch you up–my grad school program has a very large team component. We are grouped with three of our classmates into a “Learning Team” for the duration of the program. The team is required to do projects and presentations every week. It is a major part of my grade and my life. It is supposed to create a support system and synergize learning.

Well, it ain’t cutting it.

Of the four of us, two of them don’t have books 8 weeks into school–the third got hers late. One of them is planning a wedding and travels constantly, another can’t put a sentence together (subject-verb-period–how hard is it??) and doesn’t know the word “volunteer”, and the third can’t keep a promise to save her life.

“Oh, I can do that! I’ll bring that! I’ll write that!”

and then nothing.

NOTHING!

And I am supposed to feel sorry for her because she meant to get to it.

I am such a bitch.

But after spending every weekend pathologically checking email for signs of her work only to be perpetually disappointed, and then spending every Monday scrambling to create whatever it is that she is responsible for, I am over it. The final straw came when she made some snide remark about my giving too much information to her for a project she has to do–and when I called her on it, she did her Famous Flip and denied saying it.

So, I had a Come to Jesus Meeting with Ms Flip. She heard me. She cried. She promised to do better. And then she decided to give me the silent treatment instead. (I told you she couldn’t keep a promise!!)

Mr Skate is another frustration entirely. He has yet to step up and offer to do anything. Literally. If we have 4 segments of an assignment he will wait until everyone takes a part and then just sits there. I have said things like, “So, what are you going to be doing?” or “Which part do you intend to cover?” to give him the opportunity to jump on board. I end up having to assign stuff to him. And then comes the clincher.

He can’t actually do it.

Given a bulleted summary of an article and the task of turning it into a 3-paragraph write-up, he actually randomized the points, removed all the apostrophes, misspelled “morale” as “moral” 3 times, quoted things that weren’t quotes and removed quotes from items that were, added words that had no relevance to the subject, and sent it to me “finalized and ready to print.” It seemed moot to point out that nothing was cited, and that APA has a manual to help with that.

The wedding-planner girl isn’t so bad. As a matter of fact, she is pretty on-the-ball. She works hard to keep up her end, which I appreciate. The downside is that she is a solid B student–and I haven’t made a B in 15 years. So, we have different goals. Her opening salvo was to make fun of me and to invalidate my entire life when she was assigned to introduce me to the class. Nice, huh? She is an ESTJ and I am an ENFP–which basically means we are outgoing opposites of one another. I am touchy-feely; she is all business. It can be a good thing–in a yin/yang kind of way–if we don’t kill one another.

I am not responsible for these people. I shouldn’t be carrying them through school. Yeah, my degree is in Human Resource Development–but I didn’t bargain for having to start out implementing a major intervention. I mean, that’s supposed to be the final project not the opening move!

Send chocolate.

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